Surgery Day!!

3:20:00 AM Atticus Army 1 Comments

Hey army,

Well, it's about 2:30 am right now and guess who can't sleep. The dad!  As I sit here with our little boy in my arms I can't help but wonder how on earth I got here. While I am so grateful for being here at this wonderful hospital and extremely grateful for all of your support I still catch my self hoping that this is one big sick joke. And  that someone is going to come in laughing and say,"just kidding!!  You should have seen there look on your face!!"  I of course know that isn't true and that it is all too real. In about 4 hours Emmie and I will have to hand our little baby off for a surgery that he will most definitely die with out.

I think that is when it really hit home. The chief neurosurgeon came to speak with us again yesterday and we were talking about possible and likely sequela of a surgery like this and the first thing he said is," well one thing we knows for certain is that with out this surgery, it will take Atticus's life. So right of the bat there benefits far out weigh the risks."  I mean I think that we both knew and understood that however it's a very different thing to have someone say it to you.

One big worry with the surgery is the loss of blood due to hemorrhage. Adults can cope with this much better than our younger counter parts. While we can lose a few liters of blood in a surgery and have it replaced with saline and be  OK, infants are at great risk with the loss of very little blood. Atticus will have 4 units of blood or about 2 liters, ready for a transfusion which he will likely need. We are grateful for the technology and the tests to help ensure there will be no rejection or allergic reaction to the doner blood, bit it is always a possibility.

I just hope hope pray that the piece and calmness that I have felt most of the week will carry me through the day and that everything will be just fine. I want to look back a few years from now, with Atticus, and feel grateful for the strength, love and support we received as a family from our army and not the fear, emptiness and discourage I am currently battling.

I fing comfort in medical knowledge that I have attained over there last few years in school and am very grateful for that understanding. I have faith on the staff  here and feel confident in their abilities. I feel the only thing left to do is to continue to have faith in the Lord, see and acknowledge his had in what and happened thus far, and have faith that he won't abandon our little boy now. So that's what I am going to do. I will be strong, and trust that even though it is out of my hands, I am handing him into better ones, that have already bled for him knowing they won't abandon him in his time of need.

Thank you all for your support, words of encouragement, prayers, and fasting. It has  not gone unnoticed. And although we can't reply to everyone know that we read and are thankful for each and every comment.  The next update most likely won't be until tonight after the  surgery and Atticus is back with us hopefully eating, drinking, and feeling much better having all the pressure in his little head gone!!

And thank you for being a part of Atticus's Army!!