Am I strong enough to endure this?

9:45:00 PM Atticus Army 0 Comments

Hey Army

Well, this last week has been pretty crazy.  As many of you know, we were admitted on Sunday night for a fever.  Luckily we were able to get in quickly and subsequently were released on Wednesday evening.  YEY!!!  It is always amazing to me how quickly Atticus responds to the medications when we can get him in quickly.  Also, we had been hoping and praying that we would be able to get out of the hospital before Friday, as we had some family pictures of which Emmie and I were really excited to do. 



Once we had finished our servitude for this round of chemo (it seems that we will be doing this whole fever thing is going to happen each time) Emmie set out to find some outfits for our pictures now that we knew we were going to be able to do them.  This is oddly enough a difficult task when you live out of a suitcase and don't have all of your clothes.  So Emmie worked her magic of course and came up with some great options for picture cloth and only had to buy a few items. 

About a week ago we had this amazing photographer Alison Lalor Photography contact us through Emmie's Instagram account.  She said that she had found us on the search page under accounts you might like and then messaged us and she said that she would like to offer her services as a photographer for no cost if we would like to have some pictures taken.  After meeting up with her on picture day she said that she always reads about the hard times that people are going through and struggles and always wishes there was a way she could help.  "This time enough was enough, I am going to do something!" she said to herself.




I think that this is such a great way to offer help.  Having been a photographer myself I know the time and effort that goes into producing a great picture.  There isn't just the photo shoot, you have all of the post sorting (often after doing a family shoot you have 300-500 shots to go through) and editing as well.  It was quite coincidental timing as Emmie and I have been trying to decide how we were going to get our family pictures done.  So to say the least we were VERY grateful for her reaching out to us.  After hearing the story and how we came to meet, I have reflected back on our journey these last few months and have seen that we have been blessed by many  people's talents that they have shared.  From the homemade blankets that we have been given here at the hospital (which Atticus loves), the knitted hats given to our children at the Ronald McDonald house, up to our most recent family pictures. 

You can find a lot of scriptures and stories about sharing talents.  One of the most well known would be the parable of the servants that each received various talents and were told to cultivate and grow them.  This, however, was not the one that came to my mind.  There was a man by the name of Marvin J. Ashton that spoke on this same principle of talents.  He said

“One of the great tragedies of life, it seems to me, is when a person classifies himself as someone who has no talents or gifts. When, in disgust or discouragement, we allow ourselves to reach depressive levels of despair because of our demeaning self-appraisal, it is a sad day for us and a sad day in the eyes of God. For us to conclude that we have no gifts when we judge ourselves by stature, intelligence, grade-point average, wealth, power, position, or external appearance is not only unfair but unreasonable. …
“God has given each of us one or more special talents. … It is up to each of us to search for and build upon the gifts which God has given. We must remember that each of us is made in the image of God, that there are no unimportant persons. Everyone matters to God and to his fellowmen. …
“We must remember that to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. It is our right and responsibility to accept our gifts and to share them”
 I cannot think of a better way to offer help to someone, or in our case our family, in need than to share that which you have been blessed with.  While Emmie and I will forever appreciate the beautiful pictures that were a result of our photo shoot, We will cherish the sharing of her talent in our time of need far longer. 


We were able to find some free time to take the other two kiddos out to do some fun things!!


Our family pictures couldn't have come at a better time.  Atticus, understandably, was very fussy during family pictures but we made it, though.  Late Friday night, or I guess early Saturday morning (3 AM) our fever app woke us up.  I grabbed my phone and looked at it and sure enough, Atticus had a fever again!!!  It made it up to 102.3!!  I called the "on call oncologist" and no surprises here, I was on my way back into the hospital.  AAAAAHHHHH!!!  I think I can handle one fever episode and subsequent ER and hospital stay per chemotherapy cycle.  But TWO?!?!?!?!?  I don't know about this. 

Atticus LOVES flirting with the nurses.  They have all been so great with him

Let me just say this can get real old real fast!  We had all this fun stuff planned for the weekend before we start our next round of chemo next week.  My Mom came to help us so we had a lot of activities we were going to do while Atticus was out of the hospital.  And of course, we now are spending it in the hospital.  

There have been many times throughout this journey that Emmie and I just sit back and look at each other and say..... "What are we doing here?"  Which is often followed by, " I don't know how I am going to make it through this,  I don't know if I am strong enough to make it through one more day of this."  I feel that we do a pretty good job at being optimistic, and looking for the uplifting and positive aspects of this trial.  But honestly, at times it does feel that we just aren't cut out for this.  Although the specific aspects aren't important, we find it is the same things that we tend to struggle and get frustrated with. 

I served an LDS mission in eastern Canada (a story for another time perhaps).  Suffice it to say, there were many times that I felt equally as weak and inadequate with no apparent way to overcome the struggle at the time.  It's funny how certain things that had such an impact on your life or viewpoint  get lost along the road in this life, and yet somehow they find their way back. 

Well, this is one of those things.  It comes from a church magazine that was published during my mission....

“Sometimes, in spite of all we do to ‘make weak things become strong,’ the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, does not take away our weakness. 
The Apostle Paul struggled throughout his life with ‘a thorn in the flesh,’ which he said served to humble him ‘lest [he] should be exalted above measure’ (2 Corinthians 12:7). Three times Paul asked the Lord to take away his weakness, and three times the Lord declined to do so. The Lord then explained that His grace was sufficient for Paul and that, in fact, His strength was actually ‘made perfect in weakness.’ Then Paul wrote, ‘Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.’ …
“Like Paul, we can find positive meaning in weaknesses that are not taken away. Surely nothing is quite as humbling as having a weakness that we cannot overcome but must continue to struggle with throughout our life. Such a weakness teaches us, in a very personal way, that after all we can do we must rely on the grace of Christ to make up the difference.
“As we humbly submit our will to the Lord’s, we find that our weaknesses can indeed become sources of strength if we put our trust in Him.”

I am so thankful for these moments of recollection that helps to calm my troubled soul.  It seems that the Lord does hear us and in His own time and way help us along our journey.  I hope that I may continue to look for the positive in my weaknesses and not forget to rely on Him to get me through. 
Thanks for all of your support and kind words.   
Here's out Halloween sneek peek!!!

 

0 comments:

When will things become normal??

8:31:00 PM Atticus Army 3 Comments

Hey army,

Finished Round 2 of chemo!!!


Well, it has been quite the weekend.  We got a call and we finally made it into the Ronald Mcdonald house!!  We were so excited.  This means that we can be close to the hospital, our crazy little kiddos can attend this really cool school with other kids receiving treatment, and their siblings.  I think that this will be so great for Kez and Ryker.

They LOVE riding the bus to school. 


It has been so nice being so close to the hospital.  The Seattle Children's hospital supplies the bus that takes the kiddos back and forth to school and they even give the option to drop the kids off at the hospital.  So when we had all of our appointments on one of the days it overlapped when they would have gotten home from school.  So, we just called the school and they brought them right up to the hospital, and I just walked out to meet them.  I am sure on some level the hospital, Ronald Mcdonald house staff, and all the nurses and doctors understand that they are helping, but I don't really think that they fully comprehend how much the little things mean.  I recall hearing a quote a bit ago, and I don't remember who from but I think it would fit that vision that the Children's hospital has:

Don't think of the cost.... Think of the value 

While I am sure all of these extra things come at a great cost, the value that they provide is far greater.

We finally got into the Ronald McDonald house!!!

Love that little Cheeser face!!!

We had a group come and do some arts and crafts called "Love your Melon".  It is a really cool clothing company that has a goal of putting a hat on every child suffering from cancer in America.  They gave away over 10,000 beanies in one day!!!  We had a lot of fun meeting them, and of course we all got matching hats!


This kid kills me.  He is so funny


Well, yesterday was a great example of why we have been pushing to get closer to the hospital.  First off I should preface that when we first got up here to Seattle and started this whole thing the oncologists said that we needed to be really diligent in watching his temperature. At very minimum we have to check it every morning and evening and if it hits 99.6 we have to check it every hour and if it hits 101 then we have to call the on call oncologist, which puts us in the hospital for a minimum of 48 hours.

Typically in the course of treatment with chemotherapy, your blood values go up and down.  When your white blood cell count is so low your body has a very difficult time even keeping it's normal bacteria in check and therefore is much easier to get an infection which results in..... you guess it.... a FEVER.  So Emmie and I were trying to decide on the best way to monitor him with out having to worry all day especially at night!
I mean, what happens if we check at 8:30 and the temp is great, and then it spikes at like 3 in the morning? we are suppose to be to the hospital and on antibiotics within an hour of the fever spiking.  Then we don't find out until like 8 in the morning and he has had 5 hours of unchecked fever!!!  Well, that was no good for us.  So, we found this awesome little thermometer that can monitor him 24 hours a day.  We put it on when his counts hit bottom.  So on Friday we put it on since we got an ANC of 0 back from the lab.  On Sunday we saw it starting to trend up around 2 in the afternoon, and sure enough by about 9 pm he hit 101.  So off to the hospital we went.  It was so nice to be so close, last time we got a fever it took me close to an hour and a half to get here.  Far to long.   It looks like we will be here until at least Thursday :-( but.... so is life these days.

Over the weekend we were trying to decide what we could do with Atticus to keep him entertained even though his numbers were so low.  We have to avoid public places, and things like that.  So playgrounds, malls, and such are out of the picture.  We have found that walking trails and wilderness parks are a great option.  so we went to Discover Park here in Seattle.  It is AWESOME, there is acres and acres of trees, trails, beaches, and ponds.  We had such a fun time.


Emmie and I have really been pushing to not let his Cancer dictate our lives.  I have seen through so many others that it can consume your entire life in a dark cloud of despair.  It is a slippery slope for sure.  But when ever we feel that we are falling down, we just bear up and go and do something fun!  I feel that we have grown so much closer as a couple, and a family during a time that it is so easy to get torn apart.

During these dark times I am reminded of something that Tomas S Monson (LDS leader) said back in the early 90's.

“It may be safely assumed that no person has ever lived entirely free of suffering and tribulation. Nor has there ever been a period in human history that did not have its full share of turmoil, ruin, and misery.

 “When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to think or speak the phrase, ‘Why me?’ Self-incrimination is a common practise, even when we may have had no control over our difficulty. …

“However, at times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea, ‘Is there no balm in Gilead?’ We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone.

“To all who so despair, may I offer the assurance of the Psalmist’s words: ‘Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning’ (Psalm 30:5).

“Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down with the blows of life’s fight, let us remember that others have passed the same way, have endured, and then have overcome.”


There have been many many nights that we have felt alone in the darkness slipping down the slope.  All of the kind words, prayers, and thoughts from our army have carried us through the night and we have yearned for the joy that comes in the morning.  It is important to let the bad day be just that.  A single day.  I often find myself at the end of the day when someone asks how I am doing stating, " Well, another day down."  At that's ok!!! It's one more day that maybe felt at times I wouldn't get though, but we did, and it is encouraging that others have too.   

Thanks for all of your support!

3 comments:

Round two about done and another big surprise!!

11:50:00 AM Atticus Army 1 Comments

Hey army,

Well we are finishing round 2 of chemo today.  Atticus has done pretty well, he has had a few throw up sessions during this round.  Last night at like 3 in the morning he all of the sudden sat up and started throwing up all over.  So we got to have quite the exciting circus in the middle of the night.

On a super exciting note, Atticus made the front page of the Moscow/Pullman daily news!!!  I thought that would make a great post for today's update.  Here is what was written.  We felt that Shannon (the writer for the news) did such a great job that we needed to share.  Thanks so much Shnnon!!



ATTICUS' JOURNEY

Pullman boy kicking cancer with a smile

  • By Shanon Quinn, Daily News staff writer
    •  
  • Updated 
    •  
  •  0

The cancer floor at Seattle Children's Hospital is not exactly a playground,
with its shiny machines and antiseptic cleanliness,
but not-quite-2-year-old Atticus Gwilliam doesn't seem to notice.
The tiny strawberry-blond boy has spent the majority of his time there for the
past six weeks and has claimed the spotless halls for his own. Still a toddler,
it's unlikely he will remember in later years riding a four-wheeled bicycle down
the halls with his dad, strolling with mom around and around the building or
many of the other not-so-pleasant things that have happened there.
+2  

Atticus Gwilliam 
Contributed photo
His curls will grow back and cover the zig-zag scar across the back of his head
and the pain of medical procedures will fade into nothingness for Atticus.
It's a journey his family will never forget.
Caleb and Emilie Gwilliam celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary in
February and with three children and a move from Utah to Pullman on the
horizon the future was one of promise.
Caleb was about to begin his third year of veterinary school at the Washington
State University Veterinary Hospital and the upcoming summer promised weeks
of low-key fun - visiting family in California, trips to Disneyland, a new brother
or sister on the way, and a brand new place to call home.
Then, in the midst of all that activity, Atticus got sick.
"He had a really bad viral infection and ended up getting spinal meningitis and
was sick for quite a long time," Caleb Gwilliam said. "Then he started getting
better and he was doing great and we went and lived with family over the
summer and all went to Disneyland together and he ended up getting hand,
foot and mouth disease."
While the series of illnesses were worrisome for the young family, especially
sleepless nights full of tears, high fevers and trips to the emergency room,
it was something they were certain would pass.
These things always do.
As the summer wore on, other changes, not attributable to the illnesses he was
fighting through, came upon the little boy.
"As a baby he was very, very happy and loved playing with his brothers and
sisters and was very self sufficient," Gwilliam said. "Not that we'd just put him
down and ignore him, but he would just love playing with stuff and he'd scoot
around on his little butt and follow us around the house."
Gwilliam said it was changes to their little man's personality in combination with
obvious headaches that started his parents pushing even harder for answers.
"He'd wake up grabbing his head and then there were just a bunch of funny
little mood, personality quirks," Gwilliam said. "He always slept really good as
a baby. We would lay him down, give him his little bottle and he was out. All
of a sudden he hated his bottle for no reason whatsoever. He didn't want to
play anymore."
Something was wrong, the Gwilliam's agreed, but the problem was getting a
medical professional to agree as well.
"Em and I just kept pushing, this is not right. We ended up at the doctor four or
five times saying something is wrong, something is not right," he said.
+2  

An MRI scan of Atticus Gwilliam's brain tumor that was removed Sept. 2. 
Contributed photo
Gwilliam said it wasn't until the family began settling into their Pullman home
they started to get answers - though not the ones they had prayed for.
"Two weeks after we'd been in Pullman there were a couple of nights in a row
that were horrible,' Gwilliam said. "He was crying all night and then would sleep
all day long."
The family had just found a pediatrician for the children - one that seemed as
dedicated to discovering the problem as they were.
"He was great," Gwilliam said. "He got us right in the next morning and he
listened to the whole story."
The first order of business, Gwilliam said, was an MRI.
It was scheduled for Friday, Aug. 26.
"We got up really early and got an IV catheter in and sedated him and did the
MRI," he said. "In our brains it was just a precaution, just to rule anything
big out."
Since it was a Friday, the family hoped to get results before the weekend, but
weren't counting on it.
"Within half an hour of us getting home from the hospital our doctor called us,
" Gwilliam said. "As soon as that happened we knew something was wrong.
He said ... I'll be there in five minutes."
He was.
"He just dropped everything ... at the clinic and came straight to our house
and brought the radiology report," he said, his voice lowering over the long
distance connection. "It was a very, very sizable brain tumor. It was not a
fun day at all."
The ones that followed were a whirlwind.
"We went to Spokane first," Gwilliam said. "The surgeon just didn't feel
comfortable with how large the tumor was. Then we were here in Seattle and
we were checked into the emergency room and they almost took him into
surgery that night."
Gwilliam said because of the size of the tumor - "about the size of an apple" -
the hospital decided to wait for a second chief surgeon to return to the city.
A week from the day Atticus' tumor was discovered, it was removed on Sept. 2.
It was cancerous.
"The cancer itself is called the choroid plexus carcinoma," Gwilliam said.
"It's a very, very, very rare cancer - they say its about one in 3 million kids
or more that have this type of cancer."
While the news was yet sinking in for the Gwilliam family, a realization came
to them.
"For the first two weeks of this the older kids were staying with my sister in
law in Spokane," Gwilliam said. "Regardless of what's going on we had to
keep our family together."
While normalcy is hard to come by in such a situation, the family is making
the best of what they have, with the help of hospital personnel.
+2  

Atticus Gwilliam rides on the lap of his father, Caleb, throughout the halls of Seattle Children’s Hospital
in Seattle, as family follows in tow. 
Contributed photo
"His brother and sister come to the hospital every day and do homework and
play," Gwilliam said.
Nine-year-old Kezlin has permission to do her math problems with dry-erase
markers on the hospital room windows, while 6-year-old Ryker, who began
kindergarten less than a month ago, spends quality time with his brother.
With one round of chemotherapy down, the family has five more to go,
and Atticus, who will celebrate his second birthday Dec. 10,
remains undaunted.
"He's been so good throughout this whole thing," Gwilliam said.
"He's always wanting to get up and go running around."
Fortunately for Atticus, the hospital rewards its smallest patients' energy
with colorful paper shoe decorations that announce how many hallway miles
have been traveled.
The little patient has six, so far.
While the family hasn't asked for a point-blank prognosis, Gwilliam has done
his own research into his son's ailment.
"Statistically, the diagnosis of a choroid plexus carcinoma can be a dismal one.
In years past, the five-year survival rate hung around the 20 to 30 percent,
" Gwilliam wrote in an email.
But those numbers apply to cases in which complete surgical removal of the
tumor is impossible, he said.
Gwilliam said the combination of Atticus' successful surgery and chemotherapy
may bring that five-year-rate up to 65 percent to 80 percent, but it's impossible
to be certain, as there is not treatment protocol for choroid plexus carcinoma,
due to its rarity.
Although the road to recovery is long and demanding of attention, the Gwilliam
family has embarked on a second mission: addressing a problem they didn't
know existed until it arrived in their own family.
Only 4 percent of the National Cancer Institute's budget is dedicated to funding
research of childhood cancers, according to the St. Baldrick's Foundation,
which conducts cancer research. Meanwhile, funds provided by pharmaceutical
companies is close to zero, with three new drugs developed to treat children
 with cancer over the past 20 years.
"We want to raise that awareness," Gwilliam said.
Gwilliam said fundraising being conducted for his family will go first for Atticus'
medical bills and, second, for his future college expenses - "We're counting on
him being around," Gwilliam said - but another portion will be paid forward in
funding research for children and families who will be making a similar journey
in the future.
For more information on childhood cancer research, visit St. Baldricks
For more information on Atticus Gwilliam and his ongoing journey
toward freedom from cancer, visit Atticus's Army
To make a donation, visit this link: You caring donation page


Thanks Shannon for such a great story.  And big thanks to all of our army for
your amazing support!

1 comments:

Chemotherapy round 2..... Bring it on

11:34:00 PM Atticus Army 2 Comments

Hey army,

First off, we are sorry for being so lazy lately with posts.  We just have been really busy with life, and trying to juggle all of Atticus's appointments, and working on keeping the other kiddos happy and feeling included.  It is difficult not to get completely immersed in everything that is going on with Atticus and forget about ensuring that the other two kiddos don't feel left out.  We feel that it is really important to help them feel that they aren't just along for the ride with Atticus.

Atticus at Pikes Public Market.  I love that Cheezer face.

Well, gee, where do I even start.  I guess with the apheresis, it went GREAT.  It was difficult to keep Atticus down for the 24 hours we had to though.  They put a quite large catheter in his femoral vein, right in his groin, so he had to stay laying down from Thursday evening until they were finished with the stem cell collection right around 4 pm on Friday.  Getting the whole thing started was pretty crazy.  They had 3 specialized nurses here all day running the machine, and each time Atticus moved or tried to get up the machine would yell at us and we had to convince Atticus to lay back down and be still.  On top of all of this, the line they put in on Thursday didn't immediately work.  They had to fiddle with it long enough that all the blood that they used to prime the machine went bad and we had to start the whole priming and calibration process over.  It was quite the ordeal. 

Atticus getting the stem cell apheresis or stem cell collection.  They will store these until the second phase of his treatment and then he will get a stem cell transplant to help keep him healthy.


For those of you who don't have children talking a 22 month old into laying down ALL DAY, is no small feat.  Luckily we were able to get it down and we harvested all the cells we could need.  So it was a GREAT DAY for us, and another small victory for Atticus's Army.  

He was ready to go!
 After collection on Friday, Atticus's blood values were so good that they actually discharged us!!! Freedom at last.  Emmie's parents came to help us with the kiddos through the weekend, and especially this week while Atticus is receiving chemo.  We were able to stay at the SCCA house again which put us pretty close to where her parents were staying which was really nice.  We got to see the kiddos each day and help them with their homework, take them to the park, go to the science museum, and pretend that we were just a normal family, at least for a few days. We had such a fun time with her parents, they are truly incredible with the kids! Our kids adore them! Its so nice to have the support of our parents and their help! We truly couldn't do it without them!

Atticus was tired after a long day at the science museum, and fell asleep.



We were contacted by Strong Against Cancer and they asked if Atticus could be their Cancer Kid of the Week! We were so excited and honored to have Atticus chosen! Strong Against Cancer is a local childhood cancer foundation that supports families and raises awareness, as well as donations for childhood cancer research! They are truly incredible and have done amazing things for the Seattle area as well as surrounding areas! We truly appreciate all of their support and help towards childhood cancer! With Atticus being the Cancer kid of the week they brought us all kinds of fun stuff! They brought all the kids strong against cancer shirts, bracelets, sunglasses, stickers and  more! They gave Atticus their cute superhero strong against cancer bear! He is obsessed with it and loves it! He kept giving it loves and kisses! We are beyond grateful for their kindness and support! We feel so loved and a part of the Seattle community, even though Seattle isn't our permanent home!



Thanks @strongagainstcancer for all the cool stuff, and for having Atticus as your VIP


Atticus showing how strong he is!



We also were also contacted by a cancer mom here locally in Seattle this week! Again another tender mercy! She heard about Atticus through the strong against cancer foundation! She messaged us privately and shared with us her story of her sweet daughter who is now 3 and had a brain tumor, and surgery just like Atticus! She was also treated at Seattle Children's Hospital for Choroid Plexus Carcinoma (the same cancer Atticus has), Seriously what are the odds?!! This cancer is so rare and to know someone locally who had the same cancer and was treated at the same hospital is the coolest thing ever, our own kind of a miracle! Also not to mention her daughter has been N.E.D (NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE) for two years now!! Her story brought us so much peace and comfort and we will plan to meet her and her daughter someday soon! Atticus and her daughter can be cancer Warriors and survivors together! We are so grateful she contacted us and we believe that Heavenly Father's hand is truly in all things! He sent her our way to bring us hope and strengthen our faith and we are so grateful for this tender mercy!




 Caleb and I feel so blessed to be experiencing all these blessings and miracles on this journey! Each one brings a new ray of hope, peace, comfort and love! We know we have lots to still learn but our testimonies have been strengthened beyond what we ever imagined. It's like just when you think you can't push forward any further, that we have reached our capacity of strength, we are pushed further than we ever imagined possible and somehow someway we make it through. We make it through with a new sense of hope, faith, compassion and strength. We are stronger!

 Caleb and I have learned to look at things through an Eternal perspective! By doing this we are able to make decisions with more peace and comfort! I remember at the very beginning of this journey I had so much fear of the unknown! I remember being prompted so many times to do two things!
1. First the importance of keeping our family together and how important this would be for our family! 
2. Second That Atticus was ours FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT! 

This was Heavenly Father's ultimate promise to us as parents and a family! I can't tell you what peace and comfort that brought us as hard as it was handing your precious baby off to the surgeon to complete a brain surgery on your child. But then somehow trusting in the lord that he has a plan for you and him and that regardless NO MATTER WHAT, ATTICUS IS OURS FOREVER!!

It's hard to have an eternal perspective sometimes because no one ever wants to think about losing a child! Trust me, we know! However, the knowledge that I have been taught, the knowledge that I know to be true is the very thing that has carried us through and given me the most peace and comfort! We are SO grateful for this knowledge and for the strength it has given us to push through! I'm grateful for a loving savior who has been by our side every step of the way, the one who stood by the surgeons in that surgery room watching over our sweet son, I know he was there that day in that surgery room and in the hospital that day carrying Caleb and I, as we were weak and weary! He has always been here! Caleb and I are so grateful we have been able to bring our whole family to Seattle and we know that's what we were meant to do! It's our normalcy, having our family here and all together is All that matters. It's our calm and happy place to be together and we know its what or Heavenly Father wanted us to do!


Atticus has been GLUED to his Papa all week.  The rest of us have been chopped liver.
 
So this week we started out with clinic and labs! Atticus's labs all looked perfect and were all back up to normal good levels! HOOray! Just in time for chemo to start on Thursday (Today)!! Atticus had an audiology appointment this morning to check his hearing again! They will do this before each round of chemo because some of the chemo drugs he receives can cause permanent hearing loss. So they will check each time and adjust his chemo protocol if his hearing becomes affected! Atticus passed with flying colors and all was great so we were given the ok to start chemo cycle 2!

We got a late start to chemo today so as I'm sitting here typing Atticus is finishing up his dose of chemo (it's almost 11 pm)! Poor Atticus just started vomiting and is super nauseated! It's awful to see your little one's throw up.. He even knows how to throw up in the hospital bowls! He leans his sweet head over it and barfs and then looks up at us like what the heck is happening to me, mom and dad? It's heartwrenching! They just loaded him up on 3 different nausea meds and he just drifted off to sleep in daddy's arms! Overall today was a great day besides the nighttime nausea! We Love our little Atticus so much! He is so strong and brave! He is a fighter and is NOT giving up! He is our little hero, our miracle, and our Cancer Warrior!

He loves his sissy

  Cancer flips your word upside down, it affects your whole family. It's emotional and the hardest thing we have ever gone through! No one wants to see their children suffer and in pain! We take it one day at a time and we find joy in the simple things! We feel it is important to recognize the tender mercies, blessings, and miracles along the way and we focus on those! We focus on Atticus and our sweet kids and their moments of joy and laughter! Life is good and there are so many incredible people and blessings along this journey!Especially OUR ARMY!! Seriously your support and love means the WORLD to us! We truly could not make it through without all your love and support behind us!

Thanks for all your support, and for being a part of Atticus's Army.

2 comments:

Waiting for a CD what count???

7:44:00 PM Atticus Army 5 Comments

Hey army,

Well, it has been a pretty interesting week.  If it were to have gone by the book, it should have been a fairly calm week.  As you remember, we came in for our first neutropenic (low white blood cell) fever on Friday.  I was so happy that we were able to catch the fever on its way up because Atticus responded so quickly to the antibiotics, and meds and by Sunday night we were fever free!!! So, from that point, we were just playing the waiting game for his ANC to come up so that he could head home before his next round of chemo.



Unfortunately for us, our little army man doesn't read the book, maybe we should work on that.  Nevertheless,  Atticus has developed a very interesting problem at night.  The first few nights we were here after being admitted on Friday, we noticed that for some odd reason at night time Atticus's SPO2 (oxygen concentration in his blood) kept falling down to around 85%.  Now normally we should be in the upper 90's or close to 100%.  So we had to start putting him on oxygen at night time to make sure his whole body was getting sufficient oxygen.

I at first was just great with it.  Being in Vet school has afforded me somewhat of a knowledge base to understand in part what it could be.  So I was thinking, Well, Huh, He is anemic (low red blood cells) which would make sense as to why he couldn't stay oxygenated very well as the red blood cells are responsible for delivering oxygen to the body.  So low and behold he received his blood transfusion on Saturday.  And, I was like GREAT, all is right in the world, and he should do better tonight.  Of course, that didn't happen, and as the nights have gone on he continues to need the oxygen.

Many of the doctors aren't entirely sure why this is happening.  We have done labs on a daily basis, we even did a chest X-ray, and both have no indication as to why it is all of the sudden happening.  One of the doctors said it could be some form of mild sleep apnea, but that doesn't' usually just start out of nowhere.  So long story short Atticus will have to have a sleep study done here in the coming weeks, and we will likely have to be sent home with oxygen stuff to put on him at night.



I had a good chuckle to myself earlier this afternoon.  We now have an entire drawer for all of the things to take care of his Hickman Catheter, We have another drawer for all of his supplies to take care of his feeding tube, a cupboard full of food, and now we have to get another place for all of the oxygen things, along with what ever canister we have to cart around!  I feel like I may be able to open a home care clinic if this keeps up! 

In spite of all of this, Atticus has remained true to character.  We now have 6 little foot prints each representing 1 mile that Atticus has walked around the cancer care floor.  He reminds me a lot of my self not being content sitting, and always wanting to accomplish something.  This is something that my beautiful bride can attest to.  Although, at times I think it may drive her a little crazy.  But he really is doing just phenomenal, and we couldn't be happier with his progress, and especially his tenacious attitude.





As the title implies the majority of this week we have just been waiting for his ANC to start to increase.  As you may or may not recall, we have been having to give Atticus a shot in the leg each morning and let me tell you it is not the funnest thing to do!  But, the entire point is so that we can stimulate his bone marrow to kick out what are termed hematopoietic stem cells.  Meaning cells, and in our case white blood cells, to get booted from the bone marrow a little bit earlier than they normally would have.  And, specifically, they are looking for a white blood cell called a CD-34.  To what end you might ask,? well, they will harvest these cells right now and freeze them so that when we are about half way done with our chemotherapy treatment and we switch to some even more potent drugs they will be able to transfuse white blood cells in efforts to keep him healthy.

It is pretty amazing what modern medicine can do, and we are so so happy to be in a facility where these treatment options are available.  Atticus is set to go to surgery tomorrow (Thursday) to get the line placed for this process to be accomplished.  It takes quite a few hours once the harvesting begins, as they have a specialized machine that separates out only the cells that they can use, and allows the rest of the cells in the blood to continue back into the body.  It is pretty crazy.  As not fun as this is coming from a parents stand point, my inner medical student keeps shining through finding all of this quite fascinating.  I have become quite religious about obtaining all lab results, and I have started charting blood values in efforts to be able to see some trends so that in future cycles we might be able to catch some problems early.  It's a sickness I know, but I am now known as the "vet student" and all of the doctors have been really great to talk about things with me and there have even been a few jokes, saying that I mine as well put a uniform on!

Faculty again!!! (inside joke for my vet class)

 Today (Wednesday) has been quite the traumatic day for Atticus.   After our blood and platelet transfusions on Saturday, his numbers naturally jumped.  However, over the last few days, they have been falling again and he had to receive another platelet transfusion this afternoon.  All of this on the day that he has been super fussy.  He hasn't slept very well the last few nights as he HATES the nasal oxygen thing (canula) he has to wear.  It keeps falling off, his oxygen levels will fall, an alarm will go off, and we have to put it on.  He understandable is very upset being woken up by shoving something in his nose!  We do finally get it in, he falls asleep, and being restless, he knocks it out an hour or two later, and we do the same song and dance again!  Can be quite a frustration for this little guy, and we feel so bad as he really needs his rest.

But today was one of those days, super tires, couldn't take a nap with his nasal cannula in, had to get the transfusion, and on top of all of this he got this random sneezing fit that ended in his NG (nasogastric, or feeding) tube being pulled out! This tube getting put in the first time was very horrible to watch, so we had been praying that we NEVER had to do it again.. Well as I said, Atticus doesn't like to read the book,  so Why not just throw it on top of the pile for the day! HAHA  Luckily, it wasn't as bad this time as the first time and we are now finally settling down for the day hoping the night goes well for surgery tomorrow morning. 

Oh AND, Atticus was snuggling with Emmie this morning and when he sat up there was a whole pile of hair on Emmie's lap!!!! So sad we have to put our little guy through this.  So I think Atticus and I will be sporting the bald look for a bit.

Well that's it for now, Thanks again for all of the support!  Let's help our army grow!

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