Am I strong enough to endure this?
Hey Army
Well, this last week has been pretty crazy. As many of you know, we were admitted on Sunday night for a fever. Luckily we were able to get in quickly and subsequently were released on Wednesday evening. YEY!!! It is always amazing to me how quickly Atticus responds to the medications when we can get him in quickly. Also, we had been hoping and praying that we would be able to get out of the hospital before Friday, as we had some family pictures of which Emmie and I were really excited to do.
Once we had finished our servitude for this round of chemo (it seems that we will be doing this whole fever thing is going to happen each time) Emmie set out to find some outfits for our pictures now that we knew we were going to be able to do them. This is oddly enough a difficult task when you live out of a suitcase and don't have all of your clothes. So Emmie worked her magic of course and came up with some great options for picture cloth and only had to buy a few items.
About a week ago we had this amazing photographer Alison Lalor Photography contact us through Emmie's Instagram account. She said that she had found us on the search page under accounts you might like and then messaged us and she said that she would like to offer her services as a photographer for no cost if we would like to have some pictures taken. After meeting up with her on picture day she said that she always reads about the hard times that people are going through and struggles and always wishes there was a way she could help. "This time enough was enough, I am going to do something!" she said to herself.
I think that this is such a great way to offer help. Having been a photographer myself I know the time and effort that goes into producing a great picture. There isn't just the photo shoot, you have all of the post sorting (often after doing a family shoot you have 300-500 shots to go through) and editing as well. It was quite coincidental timing as Emmie and I have been trying to decide how we were going to get our family pictures done. So to say the least we were VERY grateful for her reaching out to us. After hearing the story and how we came to meet, I have reflected back on our journey these last few months and have seen that we have been blessed by many people's talents that they have shared. From the homemade blankets that we have been given here at the hospital (which Atticus loves), the knitted hats given to our children at the Ronald McDonald house, up to our most recent family pictures.
You can find a lot of scriptures and stories about sharing talents. One of the most well known would be the parable of the servants that each received various talents and were told to cultivate and grow them. This, however, was not the one that came to my mind. There was a man by the name of Marvin J. Ashton that spoke on this same principle of talents. He said
“One of the great tragedies of life, it seems to me, is when a person classifies himself as someone who has no talents or gifts. When, in disgust or discouragement, we allow ourselves to reach depressive levels of despair because of our demeaning self-appraisal, it is a sad day for us and a sad day in the eyes of God. For us to conclude that we have no gifts when we judge ourselves by stature, intelligence, grade-point average, wealth, power, position, or external appearance is not only unfair but unreasonable. …
“God has given each of us one or more special talents. … It is up to each of us to search for and build upon the gifts which God has given. We must remember that each of us is made in the image of God, that there are no unimportant persons. Everyone matters to God and to his fellowmen. …
“We must remember that to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. It is our right and responsibility to accept our gifts and to share them”
I cannot think of a better way to offer help to someone, or in our case our family, in need than to share that which you have been blessed with. While Emmie and I will forever appreciate the beautiful pictures that were a result of our photo shoot, We will cherish the sharing of her talent in our time of need far longer. 
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| We were able to find some free time to take the other two kiddos out to do some fun things!! |
Our family pictures couldn't have come at a better time. Atticus, understandably, was very fussy during family pictures but we made it, though. Late Friday night, or I guess early Saturday morning (3 AM) our fever app woke us up. I grabbed my phone and looked at it and sure enough, Atticus had a fever again!!! It made it up to 102.3!! I called the "on call oncologist" and no surprises here, I was on my way back into the hospital. AAAAAHHHHH!!! I think I can handle one fever episode and subsequent ER and hospital stay per chemotherapy cycle. But TWO?!?!?!?!? I don't know about this.
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| Atticus LOVES flirting with the nurses. They have all been so great with him |
Let me just say this can get real old real fast! We had all this fun stuff planned for the weekend before we start our next round of chemo next week. My Mom came to help us so we had a lot of activities we were going to do while Atticus was out of the hospital. And of course, we now are spending it in the hospital.
There have been many times throughout this journey that Emmie and I just sit back and look at each other and say..... "What are we doing here?" Which is often followed by, " I don't know how I am going to make it through this, I don't know if I am strong enough to make it through one more day of this." I feel that we do a pretty good job at being optimistic, and looking for the uplifting and positive aspects of this trial. But honestly, at times it does feel that we just aren't cut out for this. Although the specific aspects aren't important, we find it is the same things that we tend to struggle and get frustrated with.
I served an LDS mission in eastern Canada (a story for another time perhaps). Suffice it to say, there were many times that I felt equally as weak and inadequate with no apparent way to overcome the struggle at the time. It's funny how certain things that had such an impact on your life or viewpoint get lost along the road in this life, and yet somehow they find their way back.
Well, this is one of those things. It comes from a church magazine that was published during my mission....
“Sometimes, in spite of all we do to ‘make weak things become strong,’ the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, does not take away our weakness.
The Apostle Paul struggled throughout his life with ‘a thorn in the flesh,’ which he said served to humble him ‘lest [he] should be exalted above measure’ (2 Corinthians 12:7). Three times Paul asked the Lord to take away his weakness, and three times the Lord declined to do so. The Lord then explained that His grace was sufficient for Paul and that, in fact, His strength was actually ‘made perfect in weakness.’ Then Paul wrote, ‘Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.’ …
“Like Paul, we can find positive meaning in weaknesses that are not taken away. Surely nothing is quite as humbling as having a weakness that we cannot overcome but must continue to struggle with throughout our life. Such a weakness teaches us, in a very personal way, that after all we can do we must rely on the grace of Christ to make up the difference.
“As we humbly submit our will to the Lord’s, we find that our weaknesses can indeed become sources of strength if we put our trust in Him.”
I am so thankful for these moments of recollection that helps to calm my troubled soul. It seems that the Lord does hear us and in His own time and way help us along our journey. I hope that I may continue to look for the positive in my weaknesses and not forget to rely on Him to get me through.
Thanks for all of your support and kind words.
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| Here's out Halloween sneek peek!!! |
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